Tonight I went to my first AA meeting. The answer to your next question is no-I am not an alcoholic. However, my dad's friend Lee is. Lee and my dad go back many years. A few weeks ago, my dad received an unexpected phone call from a very drunk, belligerent Lee. After a long, dramatic night my dad and uncle found some AA meetings for him to attend.
This evening, my dad and uncle prepared to attend the meeting with Lee and asked me, out of politeness and slight skepticism, if I wanted to come. I'm sure they thought a girl like me would have no interest in attending an AA meeting. But my eyes lit up when they asked-"yes, I'll come", I said.
We arrived at the AA center-a vacant, old space wedged between a Chubby's and a liquor store (ironically). Surrounding the center was a group of lively folks-probably in their late 30's and 40's. Their smiles offset their weathered physical appearances. The first lady I met was named Sheryl. Upon meeting her, I offered a smile and said, "Hi, I'm Amy". She, in return, opened her arms and gave me a hug. Not one of those half-armed pity hugs, but a genuine embrace. I'm not sure if she thought I was an alcoholic, but I didn't care. I was captivated by the love she immediately shared without knowing a thing about me.
The meeting began. Similar to a church service, there were greetings, announcements, an offering, and a prayer. One of the gentlemen in the group introduced himself and said, "Hi my name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic. It's good to see all you fuckers". I cannot say I'll forget him.
Later, a recovering alcoholic, Steve, shared his story about his battle with the bottle. Despite is worldly success (a wife, kids, CEO) he almost drank himself to death numerous times. Through the strength of "a higher power" and an incredible support network, he overcame his addiction, although I'm certain he still struggles from time to time.
I could write for pages about the people I met and the essence of the environment. But what was so uplifting about the experience was that I felt love in each and every person I met. Alcohol has chewed, swallowed, and spit up these individuals. But they, despite their faults and misfortunes, refuse to surrender. They inspired me. If a lifelong drunk can put down a bottle, hug a stranger, and live to help others, I think it is possible for miracles in each and every one of our lives.
***
Last week, I also went out with one of my old friends, Soja.
I wish I could paint a picture of Soja's essence. She is a feisty red-haired woman that utters profanities at a cranky customers, smokes behind the dumpsters at work, and raves endlessly about Alijah, her 3 year old son, with giddyness in her hazel eyes. A woman with a delicate heart and a firey temperament, her presence never goes unnoticed.
At the age of 23, she's been through more than most people I know. She's battled the forces of addiction, endured the wrath of her PTSD father, suffered the loss of her child's father and dear baby nephew, and single handedly supports her saving grace--Alijah.
As we sat together in the midst of a hundred speaking voices, her story tuned out all ambient noise. I cannot recall where it began and where it ended; nor does she. Perhaps there was no clear beginning or end.
She speaks..
An innocent girl banging her head against a towel rack flashes across my mind. Flash. She wanders in a field of darkness, overcome by the excruciating pleasure of methamphetamine and liquid courage. Flash. Tears flow down her bony cheeks as she learns of the life that grows inside her. Flash. She's ripping her hair out, vomiting, and screaming on a cold couch. Flash. She turns down the opportunity of drugged euphoria for the sake of her unborn child. Flash. The angel cries, and she's overwhelmed with love, prepared to move forward and never turn back.
Soja would've died if it weren't for an unexpected pregnancy at the age of 20. Now, her son is 3 years old and she supports him with her menial wages. She has been clean for 3 years and volunteers at a non-profit organization for troubled teens.
I was at the grocery store today and saw her. She gave be a big hug, as did her son. She was looking for a Halloween costume for Alijah. With bright eyes, he looked up and told me, "I'm gunna be a ROCK STAR this year". I looked at him and said, "but you already ARE a rock star!" I later realized that he is, at least in his mother's life :)
Soja is such a beautiful, strong individual. She unknowingly taught me the power of turning our inner darknesses into forces for good. Instead of having pity on herself and her past, she volunteers at an organization where she offers wisdom and counsel to people who face the battles she faced; and she loves her son with all her energy and might.
It’s people like her that make the world go round’.
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