1. Eye Contact: Some believe the eyes are the gateway to the soul. Eye contact not only tells people that you are being honest, it shows them that you are listening and truly care about what they have to say. Janine Driver suggests that 60% of an average conversation should have eye contact. Anything more is weird (except in the case of love birds). Anything less shows disinterest.
2. Verbal Acknowledgement: The mmhhmm's, yes's, wow's, okay's, yeah's, ::head nods::, really?, you're kidding!, I see. You get the point. Sporadically let people know that you are not only hearing, but processing what they are saying.
3. Remembering Names, Repeating names: There is nothing better than the sound of your own name. By remembering names, you show people that they matter. Use the "name" as a tool to connect and touch people's lives. Janine Driver suggests you use the person's name at least 5 times throughout an average conversation to convey that you cherish their existence. Here's a trick I use. When you meet the new neighbor named John, imagine them dancing with the John who's been delivering your pizza for the past 3 years. Connecting something/someone new to something/someone you already know helps you process and retain new information.
4. Open, confident body: When we feel nervous or uncomfortable, we subconsciously comfort ourselves by closing our bodies, figiting, and touching ourselves. We fold our arms, cross our legs, play with our hair, pick our skin, you name it. To communicate confidence (even if you don't necessarily feel it), stand erect, don't excessively cover or fold your body, and don't fidget.
5. Paraphrasing: "Hey, John. You said you love horror films. How about we go see "Saw" this weekend?" Remembering and repeating the little things people say in your own words can go a lonnnnng way. If memorization is not your fortay, take notes. It sounds nerdy, but a little nerdiness is worth making someone feel heard and appreciated.
6. Presence: Be here now. When you are with someone, be with them. Don't engage in five other conversations on your phone, facebook, twitter, myspace, or IM. Like anything, there are probably exceptions to this. But as a rule of thumb, be present as much as possible.
7. The "Touch": No, not a grope or an extended caress. That's creepy. A simple touch. If someone says something insightful, funny, or profound, acknowledge them with a little touch on the arm or knee. As they exit, give a hug, or touch on the back to lead them out the door. Touching shows affection, care, respect, and warmth.
9. Being open, but not too open: People don't care until they know you care. People also (usually) aren't open until they know you are open. Therefore, the first step to getting another person to open up to you is by opening up to them. This does not involve a five hour narrative of your life-story. It can be as simple as, "I have a fear of heights", "I really miss my daughter, who currently lives in another state" or "I really have a passion for hiking". For more on this, read the social penetration theory. Interesting stuff.
10. Not interrupting, assuming, or putting down: Some of us (including myself) have a difficult time with this one. Point blank, allow some silence between communicative exchange to ensure the speaker's statement is complete. Don't make concrete assumptions about people based on the little information they provide you. It's natural to characterize and categorize people--but don't ever assume you know a person in his/her entirety. Finally, don't put others down. I know many people (including myself) that have a sarcastic sense of humor. Let's be real--not all people find crudeness or sarcasm funny. Get to know people a little bit before entering sarcastic territory.
11. No apologies: At any point, a crazy old lady could probably whack me in the face with a cane and I'd be the one uttering apologies. Break away from saying "sorry" as a kneejerk response. It may take practice, but it'll make you feel and appear stronger. Apologies are like a fine wine. Reserve them for important occasions.
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